This is a big year of transitions for both girls. Ella is moving to a brand new, just built school. Lily is moving from being a morning kid to an afternoon kid. That’s a lot to process for both (and me)!
Before we left for Minnesota, we were able to get a tour of Ella’s new school. The school had just received their certificate of occupancy. Ella’s Special Ed teacher gave us the tour and had to use a map as she wasn’t very familiar with the building yet, but Ella was picking it up quickly. Ella is definitely not directionally challenged! We were able to find out who Ella’s teacher was, and meet her as she was setting up the classroom. It was very nice to know who Ella’s teacher would be prior to our trip. Everyone else in the district found out the night of Meet the Teacher Night. Having an IEP has its benefits. We were in awe of the school. Many staff people were there setting up and moving in. The teachers and staff have really put in a lot of time outside of their contracted hours to get this school up and running. So much love and thought has gone into the school year, and it’s only just begun.
The school itself is so well thought-out. Lots of storage. Each grade has a “neighborhood” where the classrooms form a semi-circle around a common space that has sinks, tables, a projector, library shelves, etc. The art room looks like an art studio you’d find in a trendy downtown space. We practiced the lunch line. Enjoyed the huge library. New computers. Large windows overlooking the hills. Ella’s thrilled that her classroom has its own bathroom without automatic flushers. Score! I noticed as a teacher, that the hallway restrooms are designed differently. The girl’s restroom has the usual privacy wall that prohibits you from seeing in. The boy’s restroom is a straight shot view inside, without exposing the stalls. The teacher in me appreciated that. Boys are highly naughty in the bathroom. Wrestling, flooding things, bothering one another…brilliant design. I could go on and on about the school.
So, not only did we meet Ella’s teacher, Mrs. Hughes – who is amazing and made Ella feel so welcome, even though she didn’t have her room set up and we just dropped in. She had Ella measure chairs and stools to make sure they were first grade sized. Lily helped too since she’s pretty tall and that made both girls feel pretty important. After our tour, we were able to meet with Ella’s Special Ed teacher and it was great to be able to collaborate with her prior to the school year and give her some insights/feedback.
Ella was also pretty pumped because she’s pretty sure *she* was one of the first students ever in the building (as far as she knows). But, she did find out some privileged information: just that morning, the staff had decided to call the cafeteria the “Tiger Den” and she was the first student to hear that. This kind of news is a big deal when you’re six.
We planned our trip to Minnesota around the district’s Meet the Teacher Night. So off we set in the car early Wednesday morning, and we rolled into Thursday’s Meet the Teacher Night after a brief stop at home to pick up Ella’s supplies and switch to a vehicle that wasn’t packed to the gills. Considering we woke up in Joplin, Missouri, our arrival by 7:10p to the school’s 6-8p event was impressive! A mere 555 miles/9 hours 20 minutes according to Google maps (not including potty stops). I think we win the longest commute award. However, arriving an hour into the event means we were able to snag a parking space right up front and some of the initial chaotic crowds were clearing out. Ella was able to see Mrs. Hughes’ classroom properly decorated in its Hungry Caterpillar motif, found her desk and cubby, disbursed her supplies, had her photo taken, and seemed generally at ease in the space. As we were leaving, Mrs. Hughes gave us some popcorn to enjoy and posed for photos. Ella gave her a hug and Lily flat out said, “I’m a hugger!” and planted one on Mrs. Hughes!
Our personal tour really helped Ella feel at ease. If we’d met the teacher, found the classroom, toured the school, purchased the back to school basics (chapter book, ear buds, school shirt), first gone through the lunch line within the span of 50 minutes during Meet the Teacher Night, we all would have been a little overwhelmed. And while it was so crowded with children and adults, Ella knew where she was going, knew the teacher she was looking for, knew the basics of the building. Confidence. Ella was giddy for Monday morning to roll around.
Ella had her outfit picked out by Friday. She was easy to awaken Monday morning. Her bus comes 15 minutes later this year, so we get a little more daylight before we spend the rest of the school year in darkness at the bus stop. Ella had a slight hesitation when the bus actually pulled up, but once she was up the stairs, she took her seat and off she went.
I had a giant lump in my throat. Oh how I wanted to drive her to school and see her to her classroom. But I knew it just wouldn’t be good for Ella. She needed to dive into her new school and new adventure without me if she was going to be successful. Even though I love a first day of school. The excitement, the possibility, a fresh start for everyone! And let’s face it, it’s the cleanest the children will be all year. New clothes, non scuffed shoes, fresh haircuts. But the end of that first day, there are scuffs and spots and sweat. As far as Ella’s transition was concerned, we were going as far as having her even buy her lunch starting on day 1 so she’d learn with everyone else how to get used to the system. Killed me. But, I had to have faith that she could do it. We’d practiced asking for help. We talked about various scenarios. I had to let go and give Ella a chance to shine. The guilt was overwhelming. I feel like to outsiders, (neighbors/other parents) I might come across as uncaring. Pushing my daughter into situations that make her uncomfortable while I look the other way. But if she doesn’t learn how to take chances now and figure things out when the stakes are low, what’s going to happen when the stakes are high? I can only hope I’m infusing her with some confidence and the ability to advocate for herself because I can’t be there to do it all of the time. It’s one of the most caring things I can do for my girl who has struggled through so many obstacles to get where she is. I received a message from another mom of a first grader who saw Ella in the hall and said she looked totally fine as she walked to class. Tears welled up in my eyes. My girl had done it. She was succeeding in this first day of school thing.
I waited impatiently for a very late afternoon bus to arrive. No biggie, it was only 100 degrees standing in the full sun for an extra 20 minutes. Ella had sat with our fourth grade next door neighbor and they came off the bus together. So, that was a big deal to Ella. She was beaming! The excitement was palpable. Ella grabbed my hand and led me home. Once in the house (in the amazing air conditioning) Ella started talking, and didn’t stop. She told me more about her first day of school than the cumulative of half a school year in Kindergarten. She just jabbered on and on. Hot lunch? Great! Apparently, she LOVES chicken nuggets (despite me trying to get her to eat them for years) and she got chocolate milk! Recess? The playground is so fun! Bathroom? Used it! (this is big). There’s another Ella in her class! Fun! Mrs. Hughes is so nice! Practiced being car riders. Saw some familiar faces in the hall. On and on. I hung on every word.
With two days down, she’s rocking first grade. We just need the bus to arrive on time in the afternoon and all would be right with the world. Of course, week two is when the euphoria wears off, so we’ll see what next week brings.
Then there’s Lily.
Lily’s school started the week we were in Minnesota. When we arrived on Thursday night, they had completed four days. Lily wanted to hold out and have her first day be Ella’s first day, but logistically, it seemed best to have Lily go on Friday (mostly because we had to return our rental car near Lily’s school anyway. Lily’s first day outfit was picked out, she stayed up way too late Thursday night after the fun of Meet the Teacher Night and we were scrambling out the door late on Friday morning. Lily was excited to see her friends and had already planned out what she was going to work on. And classically, we got both girls buckled into car seats and I jumped into the driver seat and my car wouldn’t start. Nearly dead battery from sitting idle for two weeks. Urg. Luckily, we had the rental car, so I took the girls in Loran’s car and off we went. We made good time since Loran’s car is zippier than mine. We arrived just late enough to have just missed the drop off line, so Ella and I walked Lily up (which we would have done anyway for her first day). Ella initiated giving Lily a huge hug when we got to her class and Lily gave me a hug which made me tear up. Lily’s best friend, Ashlyn, ran across the room to welcome Lily. The first week had been a little rough on Ash without her BFF. Other special friends gathered around Lily and she was off to enjoy her first day. After the rental car was returned, I was carless so Loran was on Lily pick-up duty.
Ella and I both marveled on how quiet the house was. Ella was busy helping me with whatever she could. Not picking Lily up at 12:30 was so strange. Knowing she still had two more hours of school from that point was a little overwhelming at first. I prepared Ella that Lily might be tired and grumpy after such a long day, but Loran and Lily rolled in and Lily was just beaming! So much to tell me, such a great day. This continued to Monday and Tuesday. Lily regaled me with details of her day. She was working on making a calendar, there were new puzzles and new work she had never seen. Ms. Martha told me Lily mixed in like she has always been an afternoon kid. Everything was going great.
Then this morning came. I know the girls are tired because their bedtime shenanigans have decreased each night. Last night, once I got them tucked in, neither girl left their bed for even a book to look at. This morning, I woke both girls up to get Ella ready for school and Lily stayed in bed. Dozing/awake, but unwilling to get out of bed. Then the battle begin. Lily had possibly the biggest tantrum/meltdown she has ever had. Loran got the front end of the battle and I tagged in for the tail end. Lily did NOT want to get up. She wanted to stay in bed. She did NOT want to wear clothes. Pajamas are more comfortable. She did NOT want to go to school. As she stood in the bathroom screaming at the top of her lungs, I retreated to the kitchen, literally said a prayer, and then headed into battle. Eventually through sobs, Lily repeated to me that she didn’t want to go to school/wanted to stay in bed/didn’t want to wear clothes but then told me her day was too long. She missed me. She didn’t want to go. While I appreciate that her day may be long and she may be missing me, I can also realize she may not be well-rested and therefor losing her head.
I re-dressed her, brushed her teeth for her, brushed her hair, gave her a breakfast to bring in the car and helped her with her shoes. As we went through the motions of getting ready, she started to calm down a little. Then I told her how school was her job, and sometimes we don’t always want to go to our jobs, using Loran as a reference. People were relying on her. She had friends to see, snacks to eat (once again, referencing Loran) and important work to do. She got into the car without a problem, still recovering from her sobs. Then as we pulled out down the street, I casually asked her about the chapter book they were reading in class. Acting amazed that her teacher knew so many big words and could read so well, “Wow, you’re so lucky to have such a smart teacher!” I commented on how peaceful Ms. Martha’s voice was and how relaxing it must be to listen to her read. Lily, agreed and said “It’s very peaceful.” Then we remarked on the similarities between Lily and Ms. Toni, the classroom aide. Both artists, both with a great eye for fashion…Lily was smitten by the comparison. Then, I hit pay dirt. I asked Lily to tell me if there was anything that afternoon kids can do that morning kids cannot do. She quickly answered, “Afternoon kids can use the stapler.” Well, what else could I do? I freaked out like I’d just found out Lily got a perfect score on her SAT. You *get* to use the stapler?! That is AMAZING, I mean, I really gushed about this stapler news. The look on Lily’s face was priceless. She looked like she could conquer the world. I ran with this stapler thing for several miles of our journey. Suddenly, Lily was envisioning the books she’d write, and then staple together, on her own. Oh, the JOY of being an afternoon kid! Now she couldn’t wait to get to school. She had some work to do, friends to see, snacks to eat and things to staple!
Moral of the story: Pray for help. I really didn’t know how to handle Lily in that moment. She was out of her head. Taking a minute and praying to God, I walked in with a clearer head and a more peaceful heart.
End result: Lily is going to bed at 7.
Long story short: first grade rocks, the bus is late, go to bed earlier, staplers.
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