Last night was Ella-School. She absolutely loves it. As we drive down the road, approaching school, there's suddenly a little chorus of "school, school, school!" from the backseat. Then, she tears into the building at full speed towards the gym. I'd hesitated in bringing her, only because I feel uncomfortable. I thought about just leaving her with Loran and going home, but she has so much fun and it's so neat to watch her explore. And watching Loran try to dodge a two year old armed with a paintbrush full of bright red Tempra paint is also totally worth it!
Sorry I didn't update last night, in case any of you were thinking OMG THIS IS IT! It wasn't. I was just at an emotional low. When the time comes, there will be plenty of postings I'm sure. I blogged through Ella's labor and now I'm armed with a Blackberry in addition to the hospital now having wireless. Two things that were not true in 2007.
I'm nervous to be dilated to a four already. Technically, I've skipped early labor and would now be in active labor! Sure, it's less work once things get going, but everyone likes to inform me that I'll go fast. As if this is news to me. As if I haven't been dwelling on this fact since Monday when I first heard the word four - in fact, I'd already been dwelling on it since in my notebook of questions for the doctor, I'd written "afraid of going quickly." Ella took 20 hours. I'm mentally prepared for 20 hours. I am not ready for an hour or two. Some welcome that, I do not. I would like to have a controlled, calm situation. I want to make sure Ella is safe and taken care of and not traumatized by how things go down. I don't want there to be crying, screaming and sirens. I want an epidural and I want to get my antibiotic IV without being rushed. I'm scared. More so than I was with Ella. Not because I know what to expect, but because this has hit uncharted territory for me. I don't know what to expect now. Ella's labor was easy and predictable: wake up with contractions 10 minutes a part, have nice breakfast, leisurely go to hospital, get formally admitted 1.5 hours later after triage, labor, eventually epidural when I threaten to leave hospital, rest, smile, push, doctor rushes in because I push well, baby, happy.
So to all of my helpful friends who want to warn me that I'll go fast. Trust me, this is not new to my bucket of worries. To everyone who wants to tell me about their friend/cousin/sister/someone they read about who went from having no labor to crowning in 20 minutes - zip it. To everyone who calls/emails/Facebooks to see if I've had the baby...STOP! First of all, she's not even LATE yet. Second, I'm addicted to internet and it's various media...I won't keep secrets when things start happening(I'm a horrible secret keeper). Short of Skyping my labor and birth, you'll be in the know.
I don't want to be harsh and I'm glad people care, but my sanity is waning at the moment. I'd like to enjoy my last few days/hours of pregnancy rather than worry, agonize and cry about it. I don't need more fuel to my crazy fire. I'm good at crazy on my own.
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