The Bottle Chronicles...

Ella scuffed up her nose when she used her face to catch herself after falling down a single stair. But, she's wearing double braids for the first time that are just darling!

There's no guilt like a mother's guilt. How's that for a theme leading up to Mother's Day?

When Ella was a baby, I was set to breastfeed her. It all went well, for about two weeks. Then, the sh*t hit the wall and it got really painful, really fast. Even with some help from a lactation consultant, things were not going in a good direction. That's when I started pumping and for three months, Ella received a 60/40 mix of breast milk and formula. When we returned from Hawaii, I hung up the pump and Ella's development was left in the hands of Enfamil and later Target brand formula. Then, I felt so guilty that I didn't just keep going through the pain. Maybe it would have gotten better? At the same time, I felt that crying in agony while your child ate probably wasn't the most bonding experience, and surely wasn't good for the baby's psyche.

But, the convenience of having a bottle fed baby from three weeks on was definitely nice. Now, it wasn't always convenient. Like at 2am, having to plod downstairs in the cold, dark, house to prepare a bottle. Or having to bring a breast pump almost everywhere we went. Yes, I had to pump in odd places. Like the Trader Joe's parking lot. In airports and most embarrassingly, on a plane, seated right next to a complete stranger - a man in his 60s. Yeah, those were the times when I wished I could have fed my baby like nature intended. But, I had a certain freedom that I didn't quite understand at the time.

Until this weekend...

Lily's only been left once or twice and only once did that require a feeding. We'd tried a few trial bottles here and there and she'd been fine with them. Then, a few weeks ago, we returned to find a fussy Lily in the arms of my mom who had been trying to get her to eat for at least an hour. Even holding her close to her chest, with the bottle and rocking her to be as close to breastfeeding as possible. Now that was dedication and perseverance.

I tried to go scrapbooking on Saturday. Luckily, I was only two blocks away. Little Lillian definitely put poor Loran through the ringer. I brought the pump and Loran was going to bottle feed. The best laid plans do not always work out...Lily made an appearance mid-afternoon, quite hungry, after refusing to drink a drop from the evil bottle. Loran persevered for the next feeding and tried a different type of bottle. No luck. I had to zoom home to feed Lily. As I left, morale at the Gutt house seemed low. And on my end, scrapbooking was not nearly as productive as I'd hoped. I cleaned up a little bit early and was home to feed Lily before bed, but not without Loran having tried again.

That night, we did some research and found some tips on how to deal with this situation. As much as I love being needed by my little baby. I also need to be able to leave for more than three hours every once in awhile - for utilitarian purposes and my sanity! I know it's a very short season in my life. One that will be over far too quickly which will leave me missing the cuddle time, staring into big, blue, thoughtful eyes. But, this momma needs a hair cut and color!

Sunday, I made a Target run and returned with the recommended Breastflow bottle, along with various nipple types and sizes to fit bottles we already had. I'd always read people on message boards online complaining that they had to buy all of these types of bottles until they found one their baby would use. I used to think that was crazy. A hungry baby would eat from any bottle, they were just causing themselves more stress than necessary. Now I have to eat those words. *nom nom nom...tasty!* My baby will not drink from the dozens of Avent bottles that her sister took so kindly to. The funky Adiri bottle was also a thumbs down from the little connoisseur.

Then, bottle boot camp began. Loran and Lily hunkered down with two ounces in Lily's room. There was much crying from Lily and calming songs from Loran, but after a slow half hour, they got it all down. She was still hungry, but it was a start!

Later that night, they set out again, this time with five ounces. There was hardly any crying and the five ounces slowly went down. Progress! In fact, after playing and cuddling with us for awhile, Lily went to bed and slept through until morning. Apparently, filled up and content. So, we'll tread on, Breastflow bottle in tow and keep trying to give her a bottle each night so that we can have a date night here and there...

So, now I've been on both ends of the boob vs bottle debate. There's no winner. Both have their pros and cons, both have their associated guilt, convenience, joys and battles. Baby formula is not the rat poison some make it out to be and breast feeding isn't the disgusting thing others make it out to be. Babies need nutrients and love...whether it's from their mom, dad or another caring person, a full tummy is a happy tummy, baby and any person within the vicinity.