Marriage. Perception vs. Reality

I typically have a few blog ideas rolling around in my head at any time. I have basically written the post days/weeks before I even sit at the keyboard. But this one came to me last night. It’s done a little rolling and polishing in my head, so it’s far from a stream of consciousness post. It’s not going to be ground breaking as far as marital advice goes.

Here I am, 11.5 years onto my marriage with Loran. I’d like to think I’ve learned a few things about marriage in that time, yet still a student. I’m certainly not the wide-eyed 23 year old who walked down the aisles. I think as much as you try to deny it, and even if you read books/blogs about marriage before you get married, your daydreams of your married life is still pretty rosy. Sunshiny, happy, clean house, white teeth, carefree, laughter…yes! How could it be any different than when we’re dating? Sure, we disagree now and then, but we’ve got this figured out! Piece. Of. Cake.

You know where this is going. Throw in careers, kids, houses, ER visits, car break-downs, bills, you know real life…the rosiness gets a little tarnished.

But last night, as I lay in bed next to Loran, I took stock in what was truly happening in what seemed to be a rather benign moment. He’d already fallen asleep (like he typically does 4.2 seconds after his head hits the pillow) and I pondered life for another 30 minutes or so before sleep/my antihistamine Rx over took me. I realized this important, defining thought on marriage.

When you do a quick Google image search of “marriage” – everything that pops up Nano-seconds after you hit that ‘enter’ key depict the day of. A wedding. None of those really depict a marriage. I had to do a screen capture. I mean, the handcuffs are probably the closest…I kid…kinda.

So I recreated a photo that really depicts marriage. Nobody daydreams about this when they’re planning their wedding. But this is real-life. This is basically my bedtime. Everything pictured is mine. On my bed. This was not Googled.

You’ll note the cute little nighty and lip gloss. Probably everything a newlywed needs at bedtime. Wait…no. This is what real marriage looks like. Those are well-worn flannel pj pants and a cozy shirt. See all of the lotions, creams and even a prescription I need to keep my eczema prone skin from falling off in itchy chunks? Let’s move on. Toe separating socks. Goofy? Yes. A dream on the feet? Yes. Last night, I broke out the hand gloves for my itchy, dry, eczema prone skin, and what’s that on the bottom right? A mouth guard. Because I clench my jaw.

If you weren’t turned on before…well…

But here’s where the profound moment comes in. I’m laying there swathed in flannel, with goofy socks and gloves, saturated in goop with a mouth piece in. And in the morning, it will be all of that, plus wild hair and bad breath. And yet, the guy laying next to me feels pretty lucky to be able to wake up next to me, or so he reminds me daily. Huh.

Now, for the sake of Loran’s dignity, I’m not going to photograph whatever is happening on the other side of the bed. But, I can assure you, there are flannel pants and another similar mouth guard involved. Yet, I wake up every morning thinking that I’m pretty lucky to get to wake up next to him.

That, my friends, is marriage. It’s messy, and goopy, and there’s jaw clenching. It’s mostly not sunshine and roses. But it’s great if you can embrace the mess and count your blessings.